Have you ever realized that you drove to work and did not see the streets, didn’t pay attention to the construction that was going on because you were talking to yourself? Maybe you were talking about your job, or your marriage or your relationship. For example, if you were not happy with your present job, you may find yourself saying…” Gosh, I hate going to this job. I can’t wait until I find another. They past me up for promotion and didn’t give me the raise I think I deserve. My supervisor is so difficult to work with. I wonder why it’s so hard for me. Probably because my dad use to tell me…I think I should quit, that will show them. Shoot, I can’t do that; I have to pay my bills.” This is a “story”. It doesn’t matter if you tell it to yourself or to everyone who will listen, it is a story.
Unfortunately, you’ve probably been telling them unconsciously or very consciously and out loud, for so long that it no longer seems like a story and seems real. Yet it is a story; the commentary, interpretation and justification of the mind. Stories rarely are pure and factual. The power of the story is that it is a good set up for being a good victim as it justifies and rationalizes why you’re right. It also makes the situation worse, drains you of your power and keeps you on the treadmill cycle or as a friend of mine would say, on the stationery bike going nowhere but constantly pedaling and looking backwards.
The fact is that behind every story, you have a feeling. That feeling is a vibration within you that attracts more of the same vibration. I actually think that on some level in your being, you know you have a feeling, and have told yourself it would be too much to feel the feeling, so you tell the story instead over and over and over again.
For some it becomes how you identify yourself. This was true of a woman in a class I was facilitating last month. As we talked about forgiveness, she began to tell her story of what had happened when she was 19, even though she was 30. It was clear from the feeling of the story, the vibration it held as she told it, that she had so much feeling behind the story that she had not felt. I said to her, “You are not your story.” She paused and replied, “Well, what am I without my story?” That became the open door to have her drop the story and dive into the feeling.
Let me say, there is another aspect to this, which is the answer to her question, who are we without our story, but that’s another article for me to write. Suffice it to say, we are magnificent! Authentic pure expression of the non physical energy of the universe we call Spirit, God, Creator, or the Divine. However, in the class, I guided her to feeling her feelings to move the energy that was stuck. Doing this would open a space for her to hear and let in, who she really is. At the end of the class she was able to talk about the shift she felt within and how come she no longer wanted to tell that story.
We’ll talk about the person who hurt us or the person who betrayed us, or the job/supervisor, or our mother, sister, etc. but won’t feel it, we run from “feeling” the feeling(s) we have about the situations. So many people are walking around talking to each other “story to story” and wondering how come they don’t feel connected or a connection. The story is a smokescreen and it gets way too much attention. When we feel our feelings we reclaim our power and step out of the victim role. It’s not always a “negative” story that holds us hostage. It could be an old positive story that no longer serves you as it worked then but as circumstances and you have changed it is no longer applicable to the present situation.
I remember when I realized the story I was telling over and over to all my friends who would justify my “rightness” and how stuck I was in being a good victim. I realized that it left me drained and feeling powerless. Gradually I made the shift, but I first dropped the story. I decided to tell a better story; I started to see my part in the situation factually and began to dive in to the feelings and left the story out of it.
Since feelings are just vibrations, as my feelings shifted, my vibration shifted. I stopped recreating the same feelings. I was able to raise my vibration so that new feelings, things, events and people could show up! First, I dropped the story and so can you! Then you too will come to know who you really are and more importantly, how you really feel!
Rev. Jenenne Macklin, LCSW is a speaker, spiritual teacher and therapist offering practical life solutions to empower you to move beyond your fears to live the life you choose. She ignites your courage to recognize your inner potential and create the life you really want. http://www.jenennemacklin.com
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